Saint Luke's Lutheran Church

The Gospel for today tells us there's trouble in Paradise. A question is asked about divorce. HOW has divorce touched your life?" SOME might respond, "My parents were divorced, when I was ten," "I was divorced three years ago," "Two of our children have divorced," "Our best friends are in the process of divorce right now," or "I know a pastor and his wife who got divorced." HOW do you feel about divorce?" The answers here might include: "angry," "relieved," "at peace," "uncomfortable," or "confused." Do Christians get divorced? Yes, they do. Should the church talk about divorce?" "Heavens, yes!" HOW should the church talk about divorce? "Very carefully!" "Compassionately!" "Helpfully!"

HERE WE NEED TO TAKE GOD AND HIS WORD INTO CONSIDERATION. God is the senior Partner in this whole male/female scene--including sex, courtship, marriage and the family. From the beginning there has been GOD, MAN AND WOMAN! Jesus ascribes to our hardness of heart the desire to exclude--or at least limit God's interest, influence, and interference with what we do. The pharisees asked Jesus, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" Jesus answered their quest with a quest, "What did Moses command you?" They responded, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to put her away." Did you catch that? Moses allowed divorce. Divorce was not G's intention. Jesus now tells them, "For YOUR hardness of heart he wrote this commandment." (v5) It was not so at the beginning. Male and Female become one flesh. Marriage is a life-long relationship of one man and one woman, having great potential for growth and development through the years. "What God has joined together, let not man put asunder." Marriage involves GOD, MAN AND WOMAN, and we are not to dissolve what God has united.

TRY TO IMAGINE SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO HEARD JESUS TALKING ABOUT THEIR HARDNESS OF HEART THAT DAY. Maybe there was a couple whose marriage had been a long, rocky road. Their life together had been nothing but endless argument and bickering. These were not helpmates. They were opponents, struggling for control. One or the other or both of them had begun to think that their marriage was not worth the effort. Privately or openly EACH had been considering a divorce. Did the words of Jesus disturb a middle-aged merchant? He was still married, but love had grown cold. Neither he nor his wife felt attracted to each other any longer. Was there a younger man who had been married for years? Outwardly his marriage was a success-- a model of bliss. Inside the marriage, however, he wondered if he had ever really loved his wife. After a divorce he could make a fresh start with someone else. People today still struggle with the words of Christ. Some would turn them into an absolute law. Others would ignore them completely. Neither reaction is what Jesus would teach us.

THE WORDS OF CHRIST ARE BOTH CONDEMNATION & PROMISE. "For your hardness of heart Moses wrote this commandment." (v5) The sickness in our relationships is not from marriage itself. It comes from us! It comes from the sinfulness people bring into marriage. Some of us want to feel important and powerful--to be number one. That's not why God created man and woman and placed them in a relationship in which He stays involved. In marriage the issue that needs to concern us is NOT how important you make me feel. It's how can I help YOU feel important and better about yourself? NO one can control what the spouse does to make YOU feel important. What you can control are the things you do for your spouse. It's important to the relationship that each feel really important to the other. In the measure that we feel loved we are enabled to GIVE love. Those of you are are married and those of you who will be married--help your spouse to feel both loved and important to you. It's good for each other and it's good for the relationship.

THE PROMISE IS THAT "GOD made THEM MALE AND FEMALE AND THE TWO BECOME ONE FLESH." Jesus adds the words of explanation: "So they are no longer two but one. What God has joined together let not man put asunder."(v8-9) To break up a marriage is sin on the part of one or both parties. Divorce sets aside what GOD has established. Two become one. Neither man nor woman, baseball, golf, football, employment nor the church can be allowed to separate husband and wife. Are there apt to be rough places in marriage? What do you think? We are sinful people, living in a sinful world. YES there are apt to be rough times. That's why taking the promises of marriage seriously is so important. When the going gets rough, we need to outlast the trouble. We seek to discover the time of mature love. Develop a sincere appreciation of each other that accepts each other's weaknesses, failings, shortcomings and abilities, virtues and strengths.

ESSENTIAL TO SUCH A LASTING, LOVING RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD COMMUNICATION. Such communication is more than talking about the weather, painting an upstairs bedroom or the latest news from the office. It's sharing our feelings, our aspirations, our hopes and our fears. It's opening ourselves up and letting the other see what we are really like. Couples can have all kinds of different problems from the "battle for the budget" to family, personal and sexual problems. 100% of couples in trouble have communication problems. It isn't that they don't know how to communicate either. People don't go from courtship to marriage with out knowing how to communicate. It's just that they raise the question, "Is it WORTH it? It just hurts too much. I will be misunderstood. I'll be cut down--again. It will only lead to a shouting match. Why bother?" Yet good communication increases intimacy and intimacy increases commitment to each other. In such marriages we are free to acknowledge our dependence. I need you, and you need me. When I am weak, you seem strong and vice versa. Even when we are weak together, it's better than being weak alone. We need someone to know and accept us as we are--not only our strengths but our weaknesses as well. That's what it means to really love someone.

IN SUCH LOVE WE ARE FREED TO GIVE & TO KEEP ON GIVING. We do this after the example and by the power of Jesus Christ. From his gracious giving unto death--even death on the cross--we learn to give to each other. "Beloved, if God so loved us, we are indebted to love one another." God regards marriage so highly that he uses it to describe the relationship of Christ to His church. Christ is the Bridegroom. The church is His very dirty bride. Yet for her sake He died. He cleansed the church with His Own blood that we might have forgiveness and life from God.

SINCE GOD'S INTENTION IS LIFE-LONG MARRIAGE, WHAT DO WE SAY TO THOSE WHO ARE DIVORCED? Is it not possible that two human beings--two sinful human beings--may not make it for life? YES, there is that possibility! How do we treat such people? Do we merely condemn them for what Jesus called their "hardness of heart?" Do we really believe that God will forgive every sin except a broken marriage? Is God's grace unconditional--except when it comes to a broken marriage? Not at all! Divorce is major surgery, not to be taken lightly. It is not, however, unforgivable. Christ died for our sins against marriage no less than all others.

IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS GOD, MAN & WOMAN. Marriage was born in the mind of our holy God, and He remains the senior partner to all things related to men and women. THAT will put restraints on the way you behave, but it also brings the p of God to those times, when human nature is just not strong enough to sustain your marriage. Amen.